Maybe you can help me. My therapist says I should talk about this with people so I can get feedback on what I’m feeling:
I go through long-term phases where my PTSD symptoms will improve for several months. I become vastly more productive and social. I make new friends, more people support my work with money, and I make professional connections.
Then I hit a bad spell. I can’t write, I can’t code, I can barely even keep up with chores. My memory goes to shit and I feel like I’ve lost my mind. Many of the people who gave me money feel cheated. My new professional contacts think I was faking it and somehow duped them into believing in me. My friends wonder where I disappeared to.
At least, that’s what I think they think. Nobody tells me this stuff directly. But I feel it so strongly that it seems like nothing else could be true. The bad spells even make me believe I’m faking it. I start to wonder if maybe my intelligence was a fluke, an illusion, a stroke of luck that’s run out. I doubt all of my previous work. I doubt my entire belief system.
I can’t bear talking about any of this when it happens, so I withdraw and disappear. I stop talking to people even when I feel better. I struggle to get back to work out of fear. This extends the bad phase.
So what do you think? Have you ever thought those things above? Have you had any similar cycles yourself? Let’s discuss it in the comments below.